Rocco's

The front of Home Depot
1601 S Columbus Blvd
Philadelphia, PA 19148

When you roll up to Rocco's, you will smell it coming. The air outside is thick with fried sausage, large amounts of peppers and onions, and cheesesteaks grilling up on the flat top. I have passed by this place, smelling its deliciousness a number of times, before a friend told me about the hot sausage. After I heard, I was destined to find a reason to make it to Home Depot (I am a Lowe's guy). Finally, when I'd found a reason to go, it was Tuesday around lunch.

When you walk in, you are greeted by a sizzling grill and a sign letting you know what delicious items are available. Apparently they offer a variety of sandwiches with portabellas, but that would be for another trip (and for someone with less of a fat streak than myself).

When I saw the coils of sausage on the grill, my mind was made.

$8.50 later, I had about eighteen inches of hot sausage in an Amoroso's roll, with a bottle of water. (Un?)Fortunately, the slice they expertly sliced off of the mother link was an inch too short for the giant roll, so they cut another four inches off and slapped it into my sandwich. Oh snap.

We grabbed a spot at the picnic tables outside, and I unwrapped the meat torpedo in front of me. I had no doubt it was soon to sink my battleship. Filled with an extraordinary amount of onions and hot peppers, this was a spicy meatball.

This is what home improvement center eating should be – greasy, substantial, spicy and flavor-packed. This sandwich was freaking huge. Was it the best I have had? Certainly not. Will I eat there nearly every time I hit Home Depot (I may even switch from Lowe's to eat at this joint)? Absolutely.

The Pub

7600 Kaighns Ave
Pennsauken, NJ 08109
(856) 665-6440
Website

In which of the following would you prefer to live?
A) Medieval times
B) The 1950's
C) New Jersey
D) All of the above

If you chose D, then the Pub is the place for you. If you chose A and B, the Pub is still for you (and I don't blame you). I had heard about the Pub for years, but I never had the occasion to visit. However, I was going out for a celebratory dinner with family, so I decided that the Pub was just the spot to try. Old school steaks, salad bar, and a damn time-warp were soon to be mine.

We were quickly seated in the GIGANTIC dining room, which must be able to hold seven thousand people, at the bare minimum. A server came over and informed us of the drill: order a main course, take full advantage of the salad bar, and cut slices off of the soccer ball sized loaf of fresh bread they put down at the table. So far, so good.

There is a line of ovens that the cooks use to prepare Flintstone's sized pieces of meat. It's pretty awesome.

We quickly ordered a bottle of wine ($35), a round of drinks and hit the salad bar.

Now that salad bar is no Fogo De Chao, but then what is? This is old school. Make a salad, eat some Caesar (with real anchovies, score!) and some potato salad-type stuff.

They had the traditional Pizza Hut salad bar dressings and containers.

Homemade zucchini bread and a couple of unnamed cheeses (prov and cheddar?).

You simply have to get a whiskey on the rocks, and do it up like a 1950's gangster. Below you will see my sickening array of food that I ate before returning for seconds. I have some serious issues.

The server brought the steaks out on a cart, and offered some Au Jus.

As soon as she tripled the Au Jus, I began to eat. I went with the manager's special, 16oz. boneless rib-eye cooked mid rare. Thin, I am not. They cooked the steak perfectly, and served it with a lone onion ring.

Thick fries left something to be desired, which is exactly what I had expected.

Even the steak knife is representing.

One of the dining mates ordered the ribs. I pressured her into the whole rack ($5 more, you are losing money by NOT getting it). I ate two thirds of the ribs as well. I have no shame.

Another (female) got the chicken. I guess it was pretty good. I don't remember much at this point because I was legally intoxicated on saturated fat.

The other manly man got the rib-eye as well. Look at the size of that damn twice baked potato. Are you serious? I also ate half of a twice baked.

A recon mission brought me info that the woman's bathroom used to be/still is a "powder your nose" kind of place. I bet this place was INSANE in the 70's.

In the end, it was $50 a person for everything. I would GLADLY go back in the future, and I am going to make it a point to hit the retro lounge and order an old-fashioned. It was just as you would expect. Stuck in time, which is not always a bad thing. I didn't have to hear about any foie gras that was imported from South America, dried, reconstituted and now served as a bubble accompanying my 1oz. steak. Go to the Pub for the atmosphere and steaks, and return for a connection with Americana you never knew you were desperately missing.

Khyber Pass Pub Redux

56 South 2nd Street
Philadelphia, PA 19106
(215) 238-5888
Website

I wasn't thrilled with Khyber Pass when it first opened, still too freaked out by the things I had seen at the old Khyber to take them seriously as a restaurant. I heard from a reliable source that they had some excellent food, and I also recently had the opportunity to meet the executive chef, who also encouraged me to check out the food. Hell, I am glad I listened to those guys.

As this was a business lunch (certainly not), I started with a Harvest from the Hood. It's the seasonal wet-hopped amber ale with hops grown at both PBC and Greensgrow. Two of my favorite places in the city can't be wrong. This is a delicious beer, that I highly recommend, but by the time you read this, it may be too late. They make a limited batch.

We started with the fresh popped Benton's bacon grease popcorn I have heard so much about. Dusted with cajun spices and served in a brown paper bag, this was hands down the best popcorn I have ever tasted. To which you are probably thinking either "No Way" or "No Shit." But seriously, believe me this popcorn is rich, porky, smokey, and slightly spicy. Not to mention it is actually quite light, and as you can probably guess, utterly addictive.

Next we rolled with the fried shrimp po' boy and the smoked cheddar fries with debris gravy. This sandwich blew the last one I'd had there out of the water. The sandwich is served on Leidenheimer Baking Company rolls, served with the traditional lettuce, tomato, pickles and mayo. The shrimp were PERFECTLY fried, and with a little crystal hot sauce to mix in with the mayo, this was the best I have had in Philadelphia proper.

The fries were also heart-stoppingly delicious. They were crispy and packed with flavor, not to mention smothered in smoked cheddar and debris gravy. I could not stop eating them, even though I was well into my 5,000 calorie lunch by that point.

And finally, just because I shouldn't have, I ordered a small crawfish étouffée. I LOVE crawfish and this did not disappoint. A rich, dark roux served over white rice hosting a variety of ingredients, including the holy trinity (onions, bell peppers, and celery) and scallions, this dish was bursting with deep, rich earthy flavor. Delicate, yet homey, this makes me wish I grew up in Cajun country (just kidding Philly!).

I am incredibly happy I went back to Khyber for another go-round, yet at the same time, I am now forced to judge other bar food against this, and as we all know, there is no way that ANYONE can compete with Benton's bacon grease popcorn. My dining mate suggested it should be THE movie snack to take to the Ritz (they allow outside food and are right around the corner). And I can't disagree. That being said, if I smell that popcorn during a movie, there is a 110% chance I am going to mug you for it.